A wristful of luxury

I see someone is trying to sell me a fifty seven jewel three-dialled waterproof shockproof watch that tells me the phases of the moon again this morning. As junk mail goes watch adverts are amongst the most inventive, I guess watches have more functionality that most products being sold through junk email, they go round and round as opposed to up and down if you know what I mean.

Seems that I'm better off not wasting my time looking for cheap and old watch models, better by far to buy one of their overpriced and crap new ones. Also wearing one of these watches gives you loads of self-confidence, just the thing to sport on your wrist to visit the dentists by the sound of it. But what attracts my eye in these adverts is that word 'luxury'. I learn that "finally luxury items became affordable for everybody".

Spot the catch? According to my dictionary something "luxurious" is defined as "something expensive and hard to obtain". So by definition luxury items don't become "affordable". It would be like saying "a black light" or "silent music". Actually I might see some poetic merit in those expressions but "affordable luxury"? That "gives me self confidence"? It doesn't have the same cachet does it? Nobody is going to come up to me and whisper "be my man and wear a watch" in my ear now are they?

'Luxury' is one of those words that I keep meaning to pay a long visit to sometime, stop for tea, maybe even for a night or two of intimacy. It is from the Latin - 'luxus, luxuria' - pure excess. For me it brings up visions of muscular porters carrying trunks and cases of the blue Pullman cars of "Les Grands Trains" at La Gare and up the hill to the chandelier festooned marble halls of the Hotel Prince high above the steamers on the lake. Can you have genuine luxury without style? Probably not. But what would the point be of luxury all the time? There's nothing wrong with a bit of tasty excess in all things but you don't need it every day do you? Certainly not at my age. And your appetite gets jaded, luxury becomes boring if there aren't extensive grey bits in the cracks to struggle through in between times.

How would life be if I had a big tube of Pringles on my desk here every day, ate crisps for breakfast, dinner and tea? What a thought! Go on! I'd hate it wouldn't I?