Getting a grip

Sometime early this morning I had quite a vivid dream about my days working for Whitbread. It is more than seven years since I retired, and I don't think I regretted even for about fifteen seconds not having to get up in the mornings to trail into the office for a row with the boss, so I wonder why my subconscious keeps trawling through memories of that time. Probably because last night I was writing something about working in Japanese companies, an experience I don't think that I would have coped with very easily.

Now the only detail I can remember about this dream was that one of the secretaries, Caroline, was making me some kind of a 'leaving presentation'. It was just a small circle gathered around in the office, nothing grand. And although I liked her, this lady wasn't someone that I knew especially well, wasn't 'close to'. In fact when I woke up I struggled for a few minutes to remember what her family name was. But in this dream she had a tight hold on my left forearm. At the beginning I thought that she was doing this to give ME some emotional support but then I realised as the grip grew tighter that it was actually HER that it was giving support to, she was almost leaning on me and drawing energy out of me to try and put something into words that she was finding hard to express.

As this became evident I kind of helped it all a long a little by putting things into words myself, saying aloud what I thought was on her mind. How we had had a great time working together. Support and respect for each other had always been such an important part of the relationship. That kind of thing. Actually we did get on OK; we didn't know each other well but we were 'in tune' as far as working with each other went. And so here we were rather 'closer' than we had understood, in fact she was holding me tightly for support. We thought it was just our relationship in 'getting the job done' but it is always more than that isn't it? The situation is a means, not an end.

I have noticed myself noticing this a lot recently. You have to 'give people your arm' even when they don't notice it. Even when YOU don't notice it. And you have to listen carefully and respond carefully. What you are able to offer might not be what they want or expect but that is just a part of the koan, you can only offer whatever you have and actually WHAT it is might be completely secondary. This week I was talking to someone I admire who really 'strives' - puts so much sincerity and energy and creativity into things that I worry she might explode (and sometimes she does!). Actually I can't offer much more than my complete attention when it is needed. But then I don't think a Swiss Army knife or Wedgewood Bone China is what is required.